cereta: Laura Cereta (cereta)
[personal profile] cereta posting in [community profile] agonyaunt
Dear Amy: My daughter and son-in-law are expecting their first child. My husband has a granddaughter, but this will be MY first grandchild. My husband and I have been together for more than 16 years and have helped raise each other’s children.

I love his granddaughter and I don’t want her feelings to be hurt by announcing on social media that I am expecting my first grandchild. She is 8 years old and knows that I am her father’s stepmother, but I still don’t want to hurt her. Whenever she comes over, my husband and I both spoil her (like grandparents should), but she has always favored her “Papa.”

The problem for me is that I am much younger than my husband, and I didn’t want my social media friends to think that I was old enough to have an 8-year-old grandchild.

How can I say that I am expecting my first grandchild without making her feel like she doesn’t count?

— Grandma to Be

Dear Grandma: I appreciate your sensitivity about this situation, but I have news for you — you are already a “Grandma.” You have been one for the past eight years, and for you to try to find a way to deny this now that you are about to have a “real” grandchild in your life is all about your own vanity.

Your young granddaughter wouldn’t be the only person surprised (and possibly hurt) by the revelation that she isn’t your grandchild. Her parents, especially the parent you “helped to raise,” would likely be quite wounded.

I could also venture a guess that the reason your granddaughter has always favored her “Papa” is because you are signaling to her in a variety of ways that she is a placeholder for the real grandchild who will someday come along and claim your heart.

I became a grandmother quite young — at least it seemed so at the time, because I wasn’t prepared for this life stage. But family comes to you in different ways and at different times, whether or not you’re ready (or “old enough”) for it.

And so now the thing to do is to take to social media to announce your joy at the birth of your second grandchild.

I wonder how it got there..

Aug. 19th, 2017 09:04 am
manuleanders: (Default)
[personal profile] manuleanders posting in [community profile] common_nature
tree in abandoned building

Probably via bird poop? Or wind.
lilysea: Serious (Default)
[personal profile] lilysea posting in [community profile] agonyaunt

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My stepfather’s grandson’s wedding is black-tie optional, and my stepfather’s children are renting him a tux. My mom, who is 90, thought she would wear a nice pants outfit with a dressy jacket, and is resistant to buying something new. She has been through a lot this year (treatment for lymphoma, cancer surgery, and she recently fell and broke her pelvis, so she is in a lot of pain).

I and my three sisters (my mom’s only children) live on the opposite coast, but we are now being pressured by the mother of the groom (my stepfather’s daughter) and my stepfather to see that she is outfitted appropriately -- not just for the wedding, but also for the rehearsal dinner (cocktail attire) and the wedding breakfast to be held the day after the wedding.

They have also expressed concerns about the shoes my mother prefers (very safe, comfortable, but not at all dressy). My sister even heard my stepfather tell her that if she doesn’t get something new to wear, she can stay home and not attend the wedding or other events.

My mother doesn’t stand up for herself, unfortunately. Two of us will be traveling to see her soon, and plan to take her shopping. My sister is even purchasing a few things for my mom that she will bring with her, in the hopes that maybe something will fit and work for this event.

Personally, I think it is extremely superficial of them to dictate what she wears (especially since the wedding is six months from now!). If it were me, I would just be thrilled they are both well enough to attend, regardless of how they are dressed.

Is my mother wrong to resist the request to buy something more formal? Or should the step-family back off?

GENTLE READER: What happened to the “optional” part?

While Miss Manners always advocates dressing properly for the occasion -- and generally abhors “optional,” as it just invites chaos -- the particulars of your mother’s dress seem to be unduly fixated upon here. There is certainly a lot of undue angst being put into this poor woman’s wardrobe that seemingly requires three separate outfits and uncomfortable, possibly dangerous, shoes.

If your mother can reasonably be jollied into the shopping expedition or accepts one of your sister’s choices for one new outfit, fine. But if not, please talk to your stepfather about “backing off.” Surely this cannot really be worth all of this fuss.

Banded demoiselle

Aug. 16th, 2017 01:39 pm
nanila: wrong side of the mirror (me: wrong side of the mirror)
[personal profile] nanila posting in [community profile] common_nature
Banded demoiselle
Banded demoiselle perched on the roof of the woodshed. The toddler was delighted.

We get these damselflies as well as dragonflies flitting through our canal-side garden every year, but they don’t often stop and say hello.

This Week in Fandom, Volume 59

Aug. 15th, 2017 03:09 pm
otw_staff: 'Comms' and 'Janita' written beneath the OTW logo (Janita)
[personal profile] otw_staff posting in [community profile] otw_news
This Week in Fandom

This Week in Fandom: Hugo Awards wins for women of colour, casting news for the Good Omens tv series, and more: https://goo.gl/ehCxxZ

Mystery No More - Killdeer

Aug. 15th, 2017 12:59 pm
yourlibrarian: Robin sits on her nest (NAT-Robin)
[personal profile] yourlibrarian posting in [community profile] common_nature
I'm fairly sure I saw this bird swooping over our lake, possibly eating insects. It was hard to get a clear picture of it as it kept walking around and didn't stay standing long. Does anyone have any idea what it is? Read more... )

2017 Election Results

Aug. 14th, 2017 06:04 pm
otw_staff: 'Comms' and 'Janita' written beneath the OTW logo (Janita)
[personal profile] otw_staff posting in [community profile] otw_news
OTW contested election banner




The Elections Committee is proud to present the following new Directors: Claire P. Baker, Danielle Strong, and Jessie Camboulives. Learn more here: https://goo.gl/tr4ej4
otw_staff: 'Comms' and 'Janita' written beneath the OTW logo (Janita)
[personal profile] otw_staff posting in [community profile] otw_news
Fandom Haven Story Archive banner




The Fandom Haven Story Archive, a multifandom fanfiction archive, is being imported to AO3. Learn more here: https://goo.gl/9KSKtf

Five Things Chien Said

Aug. 13th, 2017 12:38 pm
otw_staff: Sarah Loch OTW Communications Staffer (Sarah Loch OTW Communications Staffer)
[personal profile] otw_staff posting in [community profile] otw_news
Five Things an OTW Volunteer Said

In Five Things, Chien discusses life as an OTW volunteer without wifi, & how her work can be a conversation starter https://goo.gl/zSvj6r


Brimstone butterfly

Aug. 10th, 2017 08:39 am
nanila: wrong side of the mirror (me: wrong side of the mirror)
[personal profile] nanila posting in [community profile] common_nature
Brimstone butterfly
[Macro image of a female brimstone butterfly sitting on a green leaf, with lovely veined and spotted green wing underside on display.]

I am thrilled to have taken this photo. Brimstones visit our garden every summer, but I've never seen one actually have a lengthy rest in it, let alone allow me to get this close with my giant macro lens and pap it repeatedly.

This Week in Fandom, Volume 58

Aug. 8th, 2017 02:25 pm
otw_staff: 'Comms' and 'Janita' written beneath the OTW logo (Janita)
[personal profile] otw_staff posting in [community profile] otw_news
This Week in Fandom

This Week in Fandom: Betsy Rosenblatt & Francesca Coppa on podcasts, Mary Sues vs Gary Stus, and why you need to know your fandom history: https://goo.gl/qnqi66

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