coraa | Reading

conuly posting in

Dear Eric: My husband has just one sibling, a brother. For many years, we all invited each other to celebrate birthdays, anniversaries and other holidays. A few years ago, my brother-in-law and his wife stopped inviting us. (They still invite my husband's parents to everything).

We don't know the reason; there was no fight or misunderstanding or awkward interactions. We in turn no longer invite them to our smaller occasions. Weddings and other big occasions are different; everyone is invited.

However, every time we are celebrating our birthdays or anniversary, my husband starts insisting on inviting his brother. No matter how many times I remind him that they no longer invite us, he says it is still his only sibling and it's important to him that his brother be there.

I refuse to agree to invite them, the only exception I make is for my husband's birthday because that's him we are celebrating so he can invite them if he wants. They attend his birthday but do not reciprocate. It's very weird.

I still cannot figure out why it's important to have people at our table that do not care about seeing us at theirs.

Can you help me formulate a response that would stop my husband from asking me to invite them? Apparently my saying no every time for years and explaining why is not sufficient. I am tired of these arguments, and it does not change anything. I need an ironclad reason that he will agree with.

– Tired of the One-Way Street

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james_davis_nicoll

Had a person wander into the 2nd floor corridor looking for the women's washroom. Alas, our 2nd floor women's washroom stopped being functional this week end so all I had to offer was three gender neutral washrooms... one of which is usually the men's.

Then it occurred to me the corridor she came from is from the "new" part of Hagey, the accounting section. While she was hesitating, looking unhappy at the choices offered, I asked if that was where she was from. She said yes, so I told her that section has a very nice (zero barrier) women's on the main floor. Off she went.

Once she was gone, it struck me as odd that she would wander as far as old Hum looking for a washroom.t.

I mentioned this to my supervisor and yeah, apparently because it's an expansion of Hagey, it didn't have to have all the amenities an independent building of the same size would have to have. Thus the comparative lack of washrooms, and a total lack of elevators.

thistleingrey

The Sundial scarf-shawl of oddments has been bound off. The request in black yarn plods along.

The same thing is wrong with the 2022/23 cabled cardigan that I left sleeveless and the 2018 cabled vest: for me, they need a few additional short rows near the top of the shoulder on the front panels, with a corresponding decrease to armhole depth. The upper back could probably use a few short rows as well, but the front lower hem is awkwardly too short even after wearing and tugging.

That isn't a pinch-and-pin modification for any garment I've worn so far (contrary to helpful sewing-analogue advice), but I think it is the right mod. Even storebought shirts and jackets marketed to AMAB men in vaguely me-compatible sizes lack a bit of needed garment distance near the yoke, left to right---indeed, 1) always between neck and shoulder along the top, and between sternum and armpit in front, and 2) sometimes across the back of the neck---as well as front to back, along where one's hand goes to give oneself a quick shoulder-rub. Those garments are a little to a great deal too large from mid-armhole to lower hem, but they're often dramatically too bulky in armhole and too shoulder-constrained at once.

My mother has brought me a random skein of fingering-weight yarn, a "handspun" singles in dark brown, not dyed. It has sat for a few weeks in a bag in the freezer, in case. What to do with 125 g of random jank? I'm not a yarn-collector, and my hands can't make socks at the moment. Best match is probably a straightforward end-to-end accessory, such as Lille Kolding, since 125 g isn't enough for a hood-scarf. (Warm hats don't fit my head well, and on some days it's been mid-30s F = 1-2 C when I walk tiny housemate.)

Alas, based on others' project notes, 125 g of unknown total length can't become the main/background color for a Sundial tee. Though Wool and Pine designs are a bit raw (I changed every "finishing" detail for the Sundial scarf), their design sense is good, and the modularity of this tee lets me see how to rewrite the upper yoke. I'm not cool enough to rewrite complex or well designed patterns; two garment WIPs from Yamagara and the cabled BT cardigan that hurts my hands to knit have been sitting for months while I ponder construction and drape.

Weaving with a backstrap and rigid heddle and weaving on an inkle loom with string heddles feel to me like almost opposite activities. Inkle loom users who chat about it online often prefer cotton; backstrap weavers use whichever materials they'd like. The string heddles I made for my first inkle-loom attempt are of #20 crochet cotton, and they don't stick to anything---but the sock yarn I've used as warp snagged a bit every time I changed sheds, and I ended the attempt early. Thicker string (or a rigid heddle, which enforces slightly more space between warp threads) might've helped.

rachelmanija

Mosscap and Dex's adventures continue from where they left off. They visit human places, including Dex's large and confusing family. Mosscap has a brush with mortality. Dex does not return to being a tea monk, their vocation still up in the air.

I enjoyed this novella for much the same reasons I enjoyed the first one, though I missed the tea service, which was my favorite part of the first book. Mosscap does turn out to be fallible and learns from Dex as much as Dex learns from it, which was nice. My favorite part of this book was the glimpses of the world, which still seems like an extremely nice place to live in.

oursin

Last week's bread held out for most of the week.

Friday night supper: ven pongal (South Indian khichchari).

Saturday breakfast rolls: Tassajarra method, 50:50% wholemeal/strong white flour, maple syprup, dried cranberries, turned out nicely.

Today's lunch: game crumble - the game mix (partridge, pheasant and venison) casseroled in red wine with onion, garlic, bay leaf, juniper berries, coriander seed, 5-pepper blend and salt, before putting the crumble topping (mixture of approx 2:1:1 wholemeal flour/strong white flour/pinhead oatmeal) on for the final half-hour; served with tenderstem broccoli tips which I cooked thusly - sizzled some chopped ginger and cumin seeds in oilve oil, turned the broccoli in this, added some water and steamed for half an hour, turned out rather well although I think the original recipe said fennel seeds....; and stirfried tat soi.

musesfool

I've got French onion soup simmering away in the slow cooker (I sliced almost 3 lbs of onions last night and my eyes - even with the stupid onion goggles - were not happy with me) and I just took a pan of baked oatmeal out of the oven to be breakfast for the week. I was waffling between the oatmeal and another batch of orange cranberry scones, but the oatmeal won out because it used up a bunch of stuff - the dregs of both a bottle of honey and a bottle of maple syrup; the last 2 eggs in the carton (I still have a carton of eggs in the fridge, but now just the amount a normal person would have); the rest of a bag of frozen strawberries; the rest of a bag of chocolate chips; what was left in the bottom of the jar of cinnamon; and what was left in the container of rolled oats (exactly 3 cups - exactly as much as needed for the recipe). I still have cranberries in the freezer, though, so orange cranberry scones are probably still in my future.

Now I'm trying to decide if I want to make a loaf of bread to go with the soup. I originally bought a small loaf with my groceries on Friday, but then ate it as cheesy garlic bread for a couple of meals. *hands* The heart wants what it wants, and in this case, my heart wanted cheesy garlic bread.

Since the slow cooker is working, I can't use the KitchenAid (it is blocked in by the InstantPot), so I want a no knead kind of bread, but also one that is only going to take 2-3 hours, nothing that needs an overnight rise. I think I might end up making the old, reliable peasant bread (halved to only make 1 loaf). It's easy and fast (for bread), and doesn't require a stand mixer.

Hmm...

*

Current Mood: productive
Current Music: Smooth - Santana feat. Rob Thomas

james_davis_nicoll

Tales of America's thrilling genocide on and colonization of Mars!

The Martian Chronicles by Ray Bradbury

mindstalk

Jan 10 -- apart from making off with two baked sweet potatoes, I stayed in and avoided wind.

Today -- Worked in a friend phone call back to the US in my morning, evening for her. Then decided to just ride trains out for a while and see what happened. Well, after a few stops I had to get off at Hiratsuka. But another train went further, toward Atami. I rode and looked out, and probably was looking toward Fuji at times, but there was a huge cloud formation in the way, I like to think somehow caused by Fuji. ( Read more... )

oursin

Happy birthday,

par_avion!

puddleshark posting in

common_nature

A bright cold morning, the fields silvered with frost, and the paths an entertaining mix of ice and mud.

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yhlee

(selling prints via the local game store)

stylized digital illustration: a fantasy lady, peacock-themed

Digital painting in Procreate, at 11"x17" print.

rachelmanija

A middle-grade novel about a boy who lives in the woods, tagged as "A worthy successor to Hatchet and My Side of the Mountain."

12-year-old Raymond Hurley lives with his beloved dog Rosie and his neglectful, drug addict, emotionally abusive parents, who move constantly, have only cooked a homemade meal for him once in his entire life, and scream at him and stomp out when he cooks Thanksgiving for them. The one time he told anyone about this, he was temporarily placed in a children's home that was even worse than living with his parents, so he has decided to never tell anyone anything ever.

When they take off, ditching him and Rosie, he lives in the woods behind his middle-school. He continues attending school, as they feed him twice a day. Otherwise, he dumpster-dives after hours at the school, and fishes in the river. While this is all going on, he accidentally makes two friends at school despite his resolve to stay under the radar, accidentally befriends an old man who also fishes in the river, and accidentally tames a coyote (!), who he names Hank. But obviously, this is all unsustainable long-term...

This book isn't that much like the classic "kid survives in woods" books. It's not really about wilderness survival, it's about homelessness and the psychological effects of negligence. It doesn't have the vibe at all of something like Hatchet, where there's something satisfying and profound about living off the land and being in nature, even though it's hard and dangerous and uncomfortable. Raymond's life in the woods is just sad. It's closer to something like Homecoming, in which four kids abandoned by their mother make their way across the country in search of a home, but it's sadder and more aimless than that because Raymond is alone in his predicament and doesn't have a goal other than "stay out of the children's home."

The elements that are survival-y, like taming the coyote, clash with the overall feel of suburban social issue fiction. Especially because they're wildly unrealistic - you can't tame a coyote to the point of petting it and playing with it and having it play with your dog! A coyote will EAT your dog! (There's a key scene involving a venomous snake that also pinged my "it doesn't work that way" sense.)

I didn't really like this book, though it's not a bad book at all. I would have liked it better if it had fully committed to being a realistic book about a homeless child. I also would have liked it better if Raymond's big goal wasn't just "stay out of the children's home," but "stay out of the children's home because I hate it and they'll take away Rosie and who knows what will happen to her." He never once worries about that, which seems like a really odd thing to not be concerned about under the circumstances. If he'd been committed to protecting Rosie, it would have given him and the book more drive. I get that the writer wanted to have Raymond be more just drifting through life, but since he's putting a lot of effort into not getting caught, I think it would have made the book more compelling if the effort was connected to a living being he cared about.

The ending is an absolutely typical ending for this sort of book:

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Content notes: child abuse, homelessness, animal death.

ysabetwordsmith posting in

common_nature

I took some pictures yesterday but didn't have time to upload and post them until today. The night before, a windstorm blew down the contorta willow sapling that used to stand between the house yard and the south lot, near the big maple tree.

( Walk with me ... )

Current Mood: accomplished

conuly posting in

agonyaunt

Dear Care and Feeding,

My ex came from serious money, and our 12-year-old daughter is her parents’ only grandchild. My daughter gets what she wants the moment she voices it; her grandparents claim it is their duty to spoil her. My daughter is very grounded and knows that most people can’t afford everything her family can, but that doesn’t change the fact that her experiences have been very privileged.

My partner’s kids haven’t been so lucky. He provides a good life, but the vacations he can take them on are to the local lake, not Europe. The problem is that my daughter can’t talk about her life without the other kids getting jealous and accusing her of bragging. She can’t say that her favorite city is Paris or identify a castle on TV without them taking offense and ganging up on her. This situation has started to heat up because my daughter has recently been hanging out with a pair of twins who have moved into our neighborhood. Their dad has left military service, but in their lives as military brats, they’ve lived everywhere in the world. They are joined at the hip with my daughter, and my partner hates the fact that his 13-year-old daughter, “Melinda,” doesn’t get automatically included.

Alas, Melinda is in her mean girl phase. Everything and everyone is stupid and sucks. She routinely picks on her younger brother. There are problems with both her behavior in school and in the after-school activities she is enrolled in. She was asked to leave her sports team for bullying another member to the point where it got physical. My daughter avoids Melinda when she can, and I have to mediate every moment we are together as a family.

My partner does not “see” Melinda’s behavior until another adult points it out. He and I do not live together, and his blindness to his daughter’s flaws is one reason for this, even though I love him. Another reason is that Melinda is hard enough to be around on a good weekend, let alone every day. I have tried to stay in my own lane and let my partner parent his kids his own way, but he keeps pushing that Melinda is being “excluded” by my daughter and her friends. They are in different grades and have very different interests.

Between his kids giving mine a hard time every time she opens her mouth, and all this, things are getting tense. Recently, he commented on how excited my daughter was for the holidays because her dad was taking her skiing and had told her that maybe the twins could come too. My partner insinuated that this enthusiasm was somehow malevolent. I responded by reminding him that both of his kids have been talking nonstop about seeing their grandparents and cousins over the holidays. He said it wasn’t even close to the same and that his kids have never even seen snow. I don’t know how to resolve this. Considering the ages of our kids, and the fact that they’re not even living in the same household, their just being civil toward each other should be enough, but civility is hard to come by, and Melinda is the agitator most of the time. How do I get through to my partner and protect my daughter?

—Mean Melinda

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conuly posting in

agonyaunt

Dear Prudence,

I just got married, and while the day was beautiful, my family left me feeling heartbroken. I have a strained relationship with my younger sister. She left her diabetic cat with our parents, and when they had to suddenly leave town, I stepped in to care for it for two weeks.

At our wedding after-party, my husband gently suggested she thank me. Instead, she stormed off, blocked me on social media, and refused to see me for the rest of the trip. When I turned to my parents for support, they sided with her, saying she spent her own time and money to attend the wedding and telling me to “drop the drama” and “be an adult.” I’m left feeling dismissed and deeply hurt, wondering how to move forward from this.

—Bride Without a Break

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oracne

The new DVD/BluRay arrived today! Great service from Best Buy! It arrived before today's watchalong! I could tell pulling it out of the box that it is much nicer than the cheap-ish one that I returned.

However, my research was somehow incorrect and it is not multi-region for DVDs. It worked fine with an American DVD. I haven't tested the BluRay yet - I think I only have one, that came packaged with a DVD of the same movie.

I did not scream. I get a sticker, right? Because I didn't scream or cry?

Possibly the DVD region can be hacked, but I don't have the right sort of universal programmable remote to do that. A problem for another day.

So it's back to the little old tv and portable player to watch British DVDs. Sigh. It's not the end of the world.

oursin

Of course it would be Jonathan Jones making these overheated speculations, wouldn't it? Did Leonardo da Vinci paint a nude Mona Lisa? I may have just solved this centuries-old mystery.

We do wish he would go and look at some landscapes, or maybe abstracts, for a change, though doubtless he would find some female sexual symbolism to perve over there.

Cannot help feeling that he is just some point on a spectrum away from this very weird - not sure if it entirely constitutes a subculture? The Goon Squad: Loneliness, porn’s next frontier, and the dream of endless masturbation Very NSFW and rather creepy - the author in an interview cops to Perverse Exhilaration which may have something to do with discomfort at the tone as well as the actual matter?

There was a piece in Guardian Saturday about people who fall in love with their AI companions, and want to marry then and have children with them, and apparently some women also bond with them, but so far this is not online that I can find. Based on a book that's coming out?