on money and happiness and charity
Dec. 3rd, 2009 01:20 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
coraaWhen I was a tween and a teenager, we didn't have a lot of money. I don't mention this very much because I don't feel that we had sufficiently little money to complain about -- we had food, a place to live, and health insurance (via my dad's retirement package from the Army); when I grew -- which I did a lot as a teen, as did my brother, of course -- I could get new clothes, I had a warm coat in the winter, we had a car that ran. We were okay.
But we weren't great. My mom would hold off on buying bread and milk until her paycheck came through. The house was always cold, because it wasn't very energy-efficient, and we couldn't afford either to have better insulating installed or to heat the house until it was warm. At midwinter, I -- who have not-great circulation -- was basically never warm except when I was having a hot bath. (This is part of why I don't like living in cold climes. The other is that, no matter how much I bundle up, some part of me is aching and painful with cold when I go outside.)
And while this was going on, my comfortably-middle-class friends, and their parents, would make blithe and stupid statements like:
Poor people are so much happier -- they don't have as much to worry about.
I wouldn't want to win the lottery -- it just causes problems.
Money isn't everything.
As long as you love each other, income doesn't matter.
You can't buy happiness.
And I always wanted to hit them over the head with a big mallet. A big one. And then go through their pockets and take the money that didn't buy happiness, because obviously they didn't think they needed it.
To be fair, they weren't entirely wrong. You can't spend your way out of emotional problems. If you're not getting along with your family, if your partner is not good to you, Prada handbags won't make it better. If you have no agency or goals or drive in your life, a vacation to the Bahamas won't satisfy your soul.
But.
But, you know, it's really hard to be happy when you're cold. When you're hungry. When you have no bed on which to lay your head. It's hard to be happy when you have one set of clothes to your name, and you can't get a job because the clothes you have aren't appropriate for an interview. It's hard to be happy when you know your kids will never be able to go to college. It's hard to be happy when you know that you can't afford the car that you need to drive to the workplace that could maybe get you out of your hole. It's hard to be happy when your mother is dying and you can't afford the plane ticket to go see her and hold her hand before she does.
It's hard.
And all the love in the world won't make it okay when you go to sleep in the backseat of your car, hungry and cold, knowing that your child is hungry and cold. Sure, it's better than being in that situation when you're not with someone you love. But it's a far cry from being with someone you love and being, you know, sufficiently warm and well-fed.
Right now, I am a lucky person. I have a job at a wonderful company that pays me well. I live with someone I love. I am very comfortable. I am happier than I was when I was poor. Of course, if I had to choose between the person that I love and the money, I'd choose the person that I love. But that's a fucking false dichotomy. It's entirely possible to have enough money to be comfortable -- to have a roof over your head, the lights on and the heat on, food in your fridge, clothes on your back -- and still be with the person you love.
But when I hear comfortably middle-class people say, "Oh, money isn't everything," or "Money can't buy happiness," it makes me think: Bull. Fucking. Shit. Because it's easier to be happy if you're well-fed and reliably housed and have clothes and heat and so on, than if you don't. And the reason it makes me angry instead of just frustrated is that it's sometimes -- perhaps even often -- used as an excuse. I don't have to give to charity, because poor people are happier and more noble than me with my reliable income and healthy savings! I don't have to worry about the problem of poverty -- of people who are cold and hungry in my community -- because they are somehow ~~~better off~~~ than me in some mystical way, and never mind that they can't get a job because they need new clothes and better transportation! I can, in fact, feel sorry for myself for having a comfortable lifestyle because it means I'm somehow spiritually poorer, and that's so much more important!
Bullshit.
I'm glad that the studies on this are beginning to show that the 'oh, money can't buy happiness!' thing is not totally true. I remember reading a study -- I can't find it now, unfortunately -- that said that, over the $40k/year threshold, happiness didn't correlate with income. But below that... it did. Because above $40k/year, most people can live comfortably, but below it, they can't, and not being able to meet basic needs makes people unhappy. Not being able to buy food, pay rent, pay the gas/electric company, afford health insurance makes people unhappy.
I don't know that I have a point here. Or, well, I guess I do: it's the end of the year, and for a lot of people it's the holidays. It's also, if you're in the northern hemisphere, a time of year when it's getting cold and dark. I'm not going to tell you what charities to give to, but I think charity is important, so I'd encourage you to give. What may seem like a very little money to you might be, to someone else, the difference between feeding yourself and your kid for a day, and... not.
And if you ever think: well, mo money mo problems, poor people don't need my help, money just complicates things for them, they're really better off ~~spiritually~~ than me, so I don't have to worry about it. Well. Think about that for a second, and then see if you really believe that you'd be happier without food, heat, electricity, a roof over your head, or health care.
If you're poor, don't feel that you're a bad person for not appreciating the simple gift of poverty, because poverty sucks ass. You don't need to feel guilty for wanting comfort.
And if you're comfortable, give. Give in whatever way makes you happy. But share the wealth, because some people are not comfortable, and the happy fable that it's better that way is just not true. But you can help.
But we weren't great. My mom would hold off on buying bread and milk until her paycheck came through. The house was always cold, because it wasn't very energy-efficient, and we couldn't afford either to have better insulating installed or to heat the house until it was warm. At midwinter, I -- who have not-great circulation -- was basically never warm except when I was having a hot bath. (This is part of why I don't like living in cold climes. The other is that, no matter how much I bundle up, some part of me is aching and painful with cold when I go outside.)
And while this was going on, my comfortably-middle-class friends, and their parents, would make blithe and stupid statements like:
Poor people are so much happier -- they don't have as much to worry about.
I wouldn't want to win the lottery -- it just causes problems.
Money isn't everything.
As long as you love each other, income doesn't matter.
You can't buy happiness.
And I always wanted to hit them over the head with a big mallet. A big one. And then go through their pockets and take the money that didn't buy happiness, because obviously they didn't think they needed it.
To be fair, they weren't entirely wrong. You can't spend your way out of emotional problems. If you're not getting along with your family, if your partner is not good to you, Prada handbags won't make it better. If you have no agency or goals or drive in your life, a vacation to the Bahamas won't satisfy your soul.
But.
But, you know, it's really hard to be happy when you're cold. When you're hungry. When you have no bed on which to lay your head. It's hard to be happy when you have one set of clothes to your name, and you can't get a job because the clothes you have aren't appropriate for an interview. It's hard to be happy when you know your kids will never be able to go to college. It's hard to be happy when you know that you can't afford the car that you need to drive to the workplace that could maybe get you out of your hole. It's hard to be happy when your mother is dying and you can't afford the plane ticket to go see her and hold her hand before she does.
It's hard.
And all the love in the world won't make it okay when you go to sleep in the backseat of your car, hungry and cold, knowing that your child is hungry and cold. Sure, it's better than being in that situation when you're not with someone you love. But it's a far cry from being with someone you love and being, you know, sufficiently warm and well-fed.
Right now, I am a lucky person. I have a job at a wonderful company that pays me well. I live with someone I love. I am very comfortable. I am happier than I was when I was poor. Of course, if I had to choose between the person that I love and the money, I'd choose the person that I love. But that's a fucking false dichotomy. It's entirely possible to have enough money to be comfortable -- to have a roof over your head, the lights on and the heat on, food in your fridge, clothes on your back -- and still be with the person you love.
But when I hear comfortably middle-class people say, "Oh, money isn't everything," or "Money can't buy happiness," it makes me think: Bull. Fucking. Shit. Because it's easier to be happy if you're well-fed and reliably housed and have clothes and heat and so on, than if you don't. And the reason it makes me angry instead of just frustrated is that it's sometimes -- perhaps even often -- used as an excuse. I don't have to give to charity, because poor people are happier and more noble than me with my reliable income and healthy savings! I don't have to worry about the problem of poverty -- of people who are cold and hungry in my community -- because they are somehow ~~~better off~~~ than me in some mystical way, and never mind that they can't get a job because they need new clothes and better transportation! I can, in fact, feel sorry for myself for having a comfortable lifestyle because it means I'm somehow spiritually poorer, and that's so much more important!
Bullshit.
I'm glad that the studies on this are beginning to show that the 'oh, money can't buy happiness!' thing is not totally true. I remember reading a study -- I can't find it now, unfortunately -- that said that, over the $40k/year threshold, happiness didn't correlate with income. But below that... it did. Because above $40k/year, most people can live comfortably, but below it, they can't, and not being able to meet basic needs makes people unhappy. Not being able to buy food, pay rent, pay the gas/electric company, afford health insurance makes people unhappy.
I don't know that I have a point here. Or, well, I guess I do: it's the end of the year, and for a lot of people it's the holidays. It's also, if you're in the northern hemisphere, a time of year when it's getting cold and dark. I'm not going to tell you what charities to give to, but I think charity is important, so I'd encourage you to give. What may seem like a very little money to you might be, to someone else, the difference between feeding yourself and your kid for a day, and... not.
And if you ever think: well, mo money mo problems, poor people don't need my help, money just complicates things for them, they're really better off ~~spiritually~~ than me, so I don't have to worry about it. Well. Think about that for a second, and then see if you really believe that you'd be happier without food, heat, electricity, a roof over your head, or health care.
If you're poor, don't feel that you're a bad person for not appreciating the simple gift of poverty, because poverty sucks ass. You don't need to feel guilty for wanting comfort.
And if you're comfortable, give. Give in whatever way makes you happy. But share the wealth, because some people are not comfortable, and the happy fable that it's better that way is just not true. But you can help.
no subject
Date: 2009-12-04 03:54 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-12-04 03:54 am (UTC)