(no subject)

[coraa]

I suspect that most arguments about whether it's better to be honest-and-blunt with friends/loved ones or delicate-and-hint-y -- especially online -- end with the honest-and-blunt side saying "look, not telling people the truth is passive-aggressive and manipulative and I hate it," and the delicate-and-hint-y lapsing into (often snarky) silence.

I find this hilariously ironic, in an inevitable kind of way.

(To clarify: This observation is after seeing several large Internet discussions of the dichotomy -- to those of you with whom I have personal conversations on the topic, please know that I have been pleased by how non-judgemental and even-handed -- and funny and enlightening -- those conversations have been, and I'm not talking about you. Okay, disclaimer over.)

Comments

[coraa.livejournal.com]

[For the record, I would have found that hilarious, as it fits right in with my sense of humor.]

It is one of the frustrations of being a Hint person -- blunt people are often quite happy to tell you what you're doing wrong, and why, and how to change it. :D And if one is too Hinty, one has a hard time saying, "Look, I'm not going to change my fundamental way of interacting with people to make you happy, so you're just going to have to deal." But being bitter and sensitive about it is totally incomprehensible to the blunt person, and so is also ineffective.

I think it'd be easier to point out hints from other people than hints from myself (although I do sometimes manage to do the latter with Pava -- when I realize what I'm doing I say, "Hey, when I say 'ennhhhhhh,' that means I actually don't want to go, I just don't want to say 'no' and disappoint you.") So I think I could do that!

(re: the blankets -- that's an interesting one. If I thought about it consciously, I'd think 'this is Mark and Des, if I ask for a blanket there's no way they're going to be upset.' The problem is that I don't think about it. My default setting is 'don't ask unless you really need it, but you can accept if offered' so the question of 'should I ask for a blanket?' never entered my head. which complicates 'you should speak up!' advice.)