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[coraa]

I suspect that most arguments about whether it's better to be honest-and-blunt with friends/loved ones or delicate-and-hint-y -- especially online -- end with the honest-and-blunt side saying "look, not telling people the truth is passive-aggressive and manipulative and I hate it," and the delicate-and-hint-y lapsing into (often snarky) silence.

I find this hilariously ironic, in an inevitable kind of way.

(To clarify: This observation is after seeing several large Internet discussions of the dichotomy -- to those of you with whom I have personal conversations on the topic, please know that I have been pleased by how non-judgemental and even-handed -- and funny and enlightening -- those conversations have been, and I'm not talking about you. Okay, disclaimer over.)

Comments

[coraa.livejournal.com]

Something else I ran across recently that might help, too -- Hint-ers tend to negotiate first and then ask ("Are you busy? The trash is really full and I need to make dinner. When will you be done with the game?" and then finally, if the other person has not already volunteered, "Okay, when you reach the save point will you please take the trash out?") while Ask-ers tend to ask first and then negotiate ("Can you take the trash out now? Oh, you're playing the game? Hm. Can you take it out when you reach the save point?") So Ask-ers wonder what the fuck the Hint-er is wittering on about, and doesn't realize that they're being asked/working up to being asked, and the Hint-ers hear the request first and figure that that means that the negotiation stage has been skipped, at which point it's a demand, and one without room for modification.

I'm not sure if that's useful, but it does explain to me why I get so irritated when I get an out-of-the-blue request.

[madduckdes.livejournal.com]

that was very useful. thanks!